Mike's top five

Mike's top five things mom probably doesn't really want for Mother's Day.
#5. Breakfast in bed. Unless you're planning on doing ALL the dishes and putting everything away, cold food on a tray is not a treat.
#4. “Parenting made easy” from Lohan - Spears publishing.
#3.  The “Wine Bra”. I know it seeeems like a great idea and Dad really likes his beer hat, but ..
#2. “If she liked the Snuggie, she'll love the Snay-pron (Shuggie apron combo), right?" No!
#1. This poem:
Today is your special day. It has arrived.
Instead of dinner, let's watch the Canucks and Hawks in game five.

This is Emergency Preparedness Week in Canada and we are supposed to be preparing emergency kits that will have all the supplies we’ll need to survive for 72 hours. Mike's top five additional things you may want to include in that kit.
#5. Two words: six pack.
#4. At least three generic play-off hockey games on your PVR.
#3. A Tim Hortons gift card with at least $20 on it!
#2. Some sort of generic greeting card, because no doubt we'll need one (Mother's day, Valentines day, anniversary..).
#1. Snow shovel. Yes a snow shovel. This IS Prince George!

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It's Mother's Day coming up on Sunday. They did a survey of a few moms to find out what they'd really like for Mother's Day. Mike's top five things mom really wants for Mother's Day.
#5. To eat an entire meal without the discussion of human bodily functions at the table.
#4. Go shopping at the mall with her daughter or son without the “why is this person my mother” attitude.
#3. At least five minutes in the bathroom without someone knocking on the door because they can't find something.
#2. Not the entire Die Hard series on Blue Ray, not a kettle, not a good sturdy shovel (unless you want to wear it).
#1. I believe the correct formula is, hours of labour, times years of service, expressed in dollars.

It's Mother's Day coming up on Sunday. If over the last few years you've been letting it slide by without doing anything special, maybe this year it's time you did something special for Mother's Day. Mike's top five signs it's time to do something special for mom this year.
#5. You noticed she didn't use any of the buy-one-get-one “small fries and a pop” coupons you gave her last year.
#4. She quit cooking with cheese quite some time ago.
#3. The e-card you cc'd her last year was returned.
#2. She doesn't accept your collect calls anymore and you're pretty sure she has un-friended you.
#1. Yesterday, she slapped you in the back of the head and said “You better get me something special this year!”.

Taxes are due Friday. If you're planning on filing your taxes late this year, you'll need a good excuse. Here are the top five excuses for filing your taxes late.
#5. It was too painful, so my doctor said I should stop doing it.
#4. I'm waiting til all the taxes are harmonized so I just have to write one cheque.
#3. I paid you last Friday. No wait. That was the paperboy.
#2. Think about: the longer I make you wait for my tax return, the more excited you'll be when you finally get it!
#1. I have no money left. I put it all on the Capitals to win in four!

Saturday will be May 1st. Here are Mike's top five things that May means in Prince George.
#5. May snow, may not snow ('course that's June and July too!).
#5a. Tire switch over from studded winter to studded mud.
#4. Radio announcers switch to seasonally correct: black dress socks and sandals!
#3. We've been out of it long enough - we're now technically closer to next Cougar season, than the last Cougar season.
#2. Resuming the debate about weather there should be soccer in August or not.
#1. The arrival of the four horsemen of the spring-ocalypse, mosquitoes, ants, allergies and dandelions!